Saturday, October 18, 2008

wedding bells

I didn't realize that the wedding season lasted all year long. But I guess that's what happens when you're young. My fridge is covered in pictures of couples that are dreamy eyed, and ready for marriage and all of the things that it involves (and since most of them are Mormon, I am mostly talking about the "s" word.)

This year, I have seen a lot of different views on marriage. I have watched most of my close friends get married, and have realized that all relationships are very different. I think I also realized that it doesn't have to make sense to me.. as long as it makes sense to them.

It seems like an abnormal amount of my clients are having trouble with their marriages, or are already filing for divorce. We live in a culture that basically mocks marriage, between celebrities, gay marriages, etc.. Not to mention that no one really "dates" any more, they all just "hang out." I've had plenty of interesting experiences in that area.. and well, needless to say, I don't think I'll be getting married any time soon.

I was in Utah last weekend for Teresa's wedding. What a wonderful thing to be so involved in(I did hair and make-up for her and her wedding party). She looked so beautiful, and I was so pleased that I could help her really stand out that day, and in her pictures. I admire (and slightly envy) the way a couple in love looks at each other.

While I was in town we were also having a celebration for my grandma and grandpa Montgomery's 50th wedding anniversary. 50 years together!! All of my mom's 6 siblings were there, and all but 6 of the cousins were there. What an amazing feeling to be surrounded by so much family. And to think that we were all there because of my two sweet grandparents.

You can see why weddings would be on my mind, with everyone getting married, having anniversary's, and even getting divorced. My mind can't help but wander to those two words written on my calender under the 18, "Neva's wedding." Oh how my heart breaks for Carlos, who was supposed to marry his beautiful bride today. I think of how excited she was when her dress finally fit perfect.. and to know that less than a week after she told me that, she was buried in her wedding dress.

I can't begin to understand what it's like to lose someone you have your whole heart and soul tied to. Sweet Neva.. As the days pass it become a little more real, I just keep waiting for her to be standing at her station, or maybe standing on her step stool at The Color Bar. I just read a book called The Last Lecture, that I would highly recommend.. It's about a brilliant professor living his last days, dieing from pancreatic cancer. He talks about seizing the day, chasing your dreams, and not just having what you want- but wanting what you have. He says at one point that he's grateful that he knew he was dieing so that he could take full advantage of his time. But I believe that even though Neva went without warning, she did just that. She was an inspiration to me, the girls at Salon Foushee, and all of her clients. I am missing her a lot these days.. but I can feel her close.

I long for a love like Neva and Carlos, my grandma and grandpa, Teresa and Shane, and even my mom and Eric. I am so lucky in this crazy backward world, to have such great examples of how a marriage should work. And okay okay, let me just make it clear that I am in NO RUSH to get married or anything like that. I'm just saying.. one day... way way way down the road.. At least I have people to look up to.


Rachel said...

Kara--I loved reading this post of yours! I wish I could have been to Grandma and Grandpa's 50th anniversary party. It would have been so nice to see you and all of our family. I hope everything is going great for you!

Melody said...

I love reading your writing. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. A good marriage is certainly worth waiting for. I feel bad for those who settle for less than the best. I Love You!

Molly Blanchard said...

It was amazing to me some of the "advice" I got before I got married - things like "Just don't do it" and "Don't expect anything, then you won't be disappointed" - it's sad to think that maybe those people settled for someone who was less than perfect for them. I used to HATE when people would tell me "things always work out the way they're supposed to" and stuff like that - but in the end it's always true

Jacque Hansen said...

Kara I loved this post!
Marriage is the most sacred beautiful wonderful thing two people can share with each other, i think people often take it for granted. sounds like you know what your in for one day and its totally worth finding the right person to be with forever.
love you!